The Walls Will Judge You

"Wake up, Mark, wake up. You have been chosen," spake a voice from another world. "Wake up," the voice grew, "Wake Up!"

Mark, my real name is Chase (I'm using fake names to protect myself and others from negative reactions to this story because I know how hard it is to believe), awoke. "Yes ... I'm awake. What is it?"

"You have been chosen. You may now come with me if you so choose," spake the voice.
"And where is it that you would take me?" Mark asked.
"I want to show you some of the afterlife," spake the voice. Mark was sure he was dreaming, so he agreed to this whimsical fantasy.
"OK, let's go then. I can't wait," said Mark.

And so Mark went to Hell. The voice carried him in a hand basket. The trip was quick. Upon arrival Mark was asked to complete an oral exam, a job interview of sorts. He stood in an enormous stadium. The voice asked question after question, but Mark could not see his interviewer. He could see, however, thousands of personages watching him. There were no empty seats.

"Mark, what is your billing zip code?" asked the voice.
"What! I want out of here. Take me back. Wake up! This is a terrible dream."
The voice grew, "Mark, you chose to come."
"I was abducted! I had no choice."

Mark knew he was wrong. Technically, he did choose to take part in this strange adventure. He looked to his feet and found a number 2 lead pencil and pinched himself.

Haul a Day

Days go by and still I think of you,
Days when I can't take my mind off you ...
You are still a whisper on my lips,
A feeling on my fingertips within ...

I think those are words from the Bible -- maybe Joshua 7:13 --
I'm not really sure. I just know that days haul by. Days go so fast.
Just yesterday I was smart, and today I'm not quite so bright.
Three days ago I slept for three hours. When I awoke I was standing.

I like Mario Bro. It's a fun game. Mario is older than me.

Fight Inside Out

Oh, The Great Internal War,
We feel prejudice—
Adam’s atom apple swore

The genome detects
Mankind a minority,
The fruit which infects.

A family of misfits,
We feel prejudice
Living as counterfeits.

Great Internal War,
Part Darwin, part Creation—
“An end, Mr. Gore,

Is near, is near,” says Adam,
“Pavlov’s bell rang true.”
The Eve of Cold War, Madam.

Arduous Aldous
Dictated a dictator
For our Brave New World,

And now its population
Feels an injustice,
Foretold fear in fruition.

Satan's Kitten

There is a devil inside me. His name is Lucinda. He's a post-op gender confused male. He speaks ever so quietly in my bowels. "It's ok to hate people," he says to me, "I do." I believe him.

Just before dusk near the local grocery store, a man drove a Transporter GL Power Scooter, made by Tom Kruse inventor of Hoveround, directly in front of my walking path and stopped. Harlem is Hoveround central--scooters everywhere. It irked me that there was a 90% probability that this guy paid little to no cost for this fine 3-wheeled device. Next, he put the scooter in reverse, intermittent beeping followed. My eyes caught one of his eyes. His other eye caught the man next to me, an unfair advantage.

"Meeoow," he said as the scooter's front wheel rolled over my big toe. "Lucinda says hello." He continued to cross the street in reverse, meowing all the while. Look both ways before you cross the street, I thought to say, but of course he didn't need to turn his head at all.

Under normal circumstances, I would have returned to my domicile complacent, but on this day, I was a lowlife dog, "Ruff," I barked back at him. Lucinda's evildoer had it all: advanced eyesight, personal motor-powered transportation with near flight capabilities, and gifted animal calls. I am jealous of this mystery man, and I hate him for it.

Next time I see him, I am going to unravel a ball of yarn right in front of his face ... but then, of course, he might not be able to see that, so I'll have to re-plot my revenge. Drats!

Creek vs Crick

I discovered that dreams are poems and poems are dreams. I’ve also discovered that other things can be dreams and poems or poems and dreams. It came to me in the bathroom today.

I was washing my hands after I used a urinal. Some of the water from the sink ricocheted from my hands onto my pants. It was only a drop or two, but I panicked. I didn’t want people to think I had a weak stream, so I scooped more water onto my pants. I’d rather look like I can’t control my stream than have people think I have a little babbling brook, or worse, a creek or crick.

I walked out of the bathroom. People were staring at me. Their eyes were fixed on my crotch … a dream come true.

Under the Bleachers

A man with brown shoes and navy pants sat next to another man with black shoes and grey slacks. Many white seats were available, but Browny sat next to Blacky anyway. Suddenly, Browny roared! Blacky was startled so he stood, zipped, and departed. Like a wild beast, Browny clearly claimed his territory. Blacky was outmatched.

Browny is either very confident or homosexual.

By Seymore Butts

Little Love

Band-Aids don’t heal

Broken pictures

Take time to develop
Empathy

Antibiotics don’t cure
Long lines
Need patience to develop
Cooperation

Peanuts don’t nourish
Passion pains
Rely on faith to develop
Trust

Together we dream.

Sweet Clementine

I bought a bundle of clementines about a week ago. I've been eating two of them every morning for breakfast. They are tasty, seedless treats ... or so I thought. I ate one yesterday that had seeds in it. I was perplexed. I couldn't figure it out. I slept on it and the answer came to me in a dream. This is the only plausible explanation.

Oranges and clementines can grow seeds after picked from the tree. Therefore, these fruits are living organisms. Therefore, I am a killer. COD - Eating. I confess. I did it. Sadly, I enjoy killing these fruit! I am a fruit cereal killer! Try to stop me. I eat all of the evidence, rhine and all.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Drink Up, Baby

Sometimes I am the water. Sometimes I am the water bottle. Today, I am the cap on the water bottle. Tomorrow, I think I’m going to be the wrapper. I’ve always wanted to eat lobster and see the beautiful autumn colors in Maine. After all, my value is more appreciated there.

Of course I don’t like it. How would you feel if someone threw you at an annoying fan? I suppose it’s better than the garbage, and that’s where I usually get thrown. I know I cover things up, but guess what—water bottle caps have feelings, too!

One Side of the Phone

I was so blinded by my fury, I never sent the email.
I will send it now.

They want ratings for an entire season.
So basically we are talking households and adults.

Yes, I will defer to him.
Yeah, those damn Angels,
I know what you mean.

Sure thing, I’ll send it over now.
Thanks—yes, I am still here.
Ok, adults 18-49.
Bye.

Oink Oink

Ouch! My finger
Pricked by a prick.
Amino acids, less caffeine, more cardio.
Lower blood pressure.

Prick by prick, my citizens.
We will build this world prick by prick.

Ouch! My arm
Pricked by a prick.
Allergic to eggs, prior influenza vaccination, relax.
H1N1 be gone!

Prick by prick, my associates.
We will beat this prick by prick.

Tee Time

Tea leaves contain caffeine, Blah, blah, blah. Tannin can cause anemia. Tannin is used to tan hides. Tannin is used to stain decks. Blah, blah.

Tea is a drink.
Tea is plant.
Tea is a time of day.
Tea is camellia sinensis.

Tee is a letter.
Tee is a shape.
Tee is a shirt
Tee is an object.
Tee is a place.

Drink up, my friends,
Tea is blah.
Tea-shirt.

Blah.

Juana Win

Oysters are without spine.
Today, I am a pearl.
“Let me out. I didn’t do it.”

Visitors visit during visitation hours.
"Bring me a concealed weapon, please.
I’m a love prisoner."

Oysters smell like watered down jokes.
"I’m not wealthy. I’m just nacre – culture me."
The world is not an oyster, that’s silly.

Oysters are like Keno.
Life is a multi-race ticket.
The world is a scorpion, maybe a coyote.
"Save me, Kino. Dive!"

Fizdazzle

Sometimes I dream in English, sometimes I dream in Fizdazzle.
This is a summary of my dream last night:

A man ate eight fried fish - Freight.
He saw a car go in a cargo bin - Bargain.
The stainless steel pans are still a steal at Kmart - Start.
The gun fired, begin. He ran fast. Out came the fish - Finished.
I awoke - Farted.